Dating

Dating in 2017- One Single Mom Tells All

I am a 46-year-old single mom of two girls and I’m dating in 2017. This is my ridiculous story. I was married. For 15 years, I was married, and lived with my baby daddy two years before that. I met my ex-husband at a comedy club and fell in love with him because he was funny (No one can resist a funny guy, right ladies?). Back then, there was no Instagram or Facebook and dating sites were almost nonexistent. When you took a picture of yourself, you had to go to Blacks Photography with your film and wait 24 hours for the fastest hard copy (This also meant below-the-belt photos were not readily available—ah, the good old days!).

Single… but not sure how to mingle

Seventeen years later, wrinkles developed, two vaginal births happened, four years were spent breastfeeding and I was single, and not exactly sure how to mingle. I felt sick about cyber dating and had time restraints that come with sharing 50/50 custody of my daughters. Still, I jumped in and joined Tinder—the famous hook-up app that for 40-somethings is more geared towards dating. The online part of it is like a flattering game—more fun than Candy Crush!—with all the swiping left and right. Swipe right if you like the guy, and if he swipes right on your pic too, then the app says you’re a match! It’s easy to get caught up on the number of “matches” you get and it’s all fabulous for the ego!

First date

I was six months single when I went on my first date. I let friends know where I was going (a cute bar on Queen Street East) and told my date that if he chopped me up into little pieces, my mom friends had his picture and they would find him. It was the only date we had, but it was nice, and I felt like I’d challenged myself. After that, I ended up dating a guy for a year who reached out to me on Facebook and had a lovely romance—until it wasn’t—and then I was single again.

Am I dating myself? YES! 

Then it happened. After another date with a guy I felt no sparks with, I was on my own for six months, and it was glorious. I did what I wanted, when I wanted and loved my stress-free freedom. I realized I didn’t need to be with someone.  Any someone I would date  probably had kids and issues, which quickly makes dating about sacrificing and compromising… and isn’t that what I did for 18 years? I dated myself and I loved it.

When another Facebook friend reached out and asked if I was single, I realized I didn’t feel single. I felt whole, content. I said I was un-dateable. And I was fine! The only time I felt a little out of place was when I did things with my couple friends. So this gent and I decided to be each other’s wing person.

Honesty is a turn-on

For a couple of weeks, we platonically went to events together and it was fantastic—until I wanted to kiss him. Uh oh. Friendship is simple; however dating so far, for me, has not been. On another one of our friend dates at the Thirsty Duck on Queen East—I never go west of Yonge no matter how many times TTC says “it’s the better way”— I decided one weird thing about dating is that people are always on their best behaviour. I asked: “’What is the most horrible behaviour you shared with a partner?’” He was honest and told me about some of the not-so-nice things he had done, and why. I told him about my bad behaviour with my ex. It was amazingly honest. Then I wanted to kiss him again.

Dating is unpredictable 

So, we’ve been dating for three weeks and during that time he helped me move to a new home, and he took apart IKEA furniture and he still wants to date me (What?). My point is this: dating is unpredictable. And it isn’t easy. Whatever way you meet someone (online or in person), building a connection might take time, but it can happen. You just have to decide if it’s better than dating yourself—also known as masturdating—which is also pretty fantastic.

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About the Author

Erin Keaney

Erin Keaney

  Erin Keaney is an actor, singer and comedian who has toured North America in hit shows including Crazy For You and the original US tour of Rent. She’s appeared on The Comedy Network, YTV, CTV and produces a live stand up show in Toronto called Time Out. Find her online at erinkeaney.com Comments

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